Thinking Is Like Handling Explosives
by Child of the Wilderness
Summary: A celebration throughout all of Shiz, due to Elphaba's invitation to visit the Wizard . . . but everyone has a secret agenda for the night, and alcohol only makes things worse. Rating may change.
1. Prologue: States of Mind

**AN: BAS Summer Fic Exchange challenge—**_**this is only the prologue. **_**It is intended to explain the mindset of the characters as they head into a night of partying. Before you read: **

**I have never been drunk. (Story: four years ago, I was an underage student. I could've lost my scholarship if I drank, so I didn't. I was dating a seemingly decent guy. I spent time abroad and we stayed together. Turns out he got drunk a lot and slept around and made such a mess that, a month or so after I returned, we split up. Afterward, I made a solemn promise that I wouldn't get drunk.) So if this is unrealistic, I apologize.  
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Prince Fiyero Tiggular was thinking—and that, like the handling of explosives, is a very dangerous activity if one is not used to cleaning up the consequences. A stray, serious thought—like a match almost held to a Molotov Cocktail but extinguished before it can do harm—can be handled, but Fiyero had been thinking for three days straight. Tonight, he planned to make good on all of his stockpiled thoughts.

Galinda, Fiyero's flighty girlfriend, had _not_ been thinking—except to absently worry about Fiyero, who was distant and moodified. He hadn't even offered to escort her to the party he was throwing for Elphaba's departure, and that was very bad behavior for a perfect boyfriend. Tonight, she planned to find out _why_ her perfect boyfriend was thinking and she planned to make it stop, no matter what the consequences.

Boq had noticed the tension between Galinda and Fiyero—who the hell hadn't?—and he was blissfully unaware that tension in relationships is very much like a hand-wound clock: too much tension and the whole timepiece will burst, spraying shrapnel on the innocent and the guilty alike. Boq was also blissfully unaware of his girlfriend or the growing tension in their own relationship. Tonight, he thought, he might have a chance at Galinda: Nessa be damned, he would—would _die_ for Galinda, if that is what she demanded.

Nessa was excruciatingly unhappy. The others all had purposes and hopes, but she—chained to her chair, as always, was unable to do _anything_. She had never been so frustrated in her life. Boq was slipping through her fingers, Shiz's own fairytale couple (who had given her hope for her own love life) was splitting at the seams. Of course, she would attend the party tonight in hopes of winning Boq back. Tonight would be a defining night in her life, Boq's life—everyone's lives.

Elphaba had spent the last three days with her nose in a book. She had missed the tension between Galinda and Fiyero, Nessa and Boq. In fact, she had almost forgotten there _was_ a party—supposedly in her honor—tonight, and was sorely tempted to skip. She pretended she was going because it would be good for her, but really she was going because Fiyero would be there. ("_Stupid, stupid girl,"_ she mentally berated herself, _"as if he could ever _look_ at you!"_) Tonight, she intended to overcome her infatuation: she would sit quietly in the corner and watch the brainless prince drink until he couldn't walk straight. Surely witnessing such stupidity would raise her Fiyero tolerance.

Avaric was thoroughly amused. He didn't spend much time observing anything, but it would've taken a much stupider or more studious scholar to _not_ notice the pressure haunting Shiz's favorite couples; Elphaba had overlooked the tension because she was studying. Avaric had not missed it because he was neither stupid enough to not notice or studying hard enough to miss it. Tonight was going to be a good show, if Av didn't get himself so drunk he failed to remember it.

The OzDust was decidedly unprepared for the troupe of Shiz students "celebrating Elphaba's good fortune" and so caught up in their thinking that they were unprepared for the consequences.


	2. 8:00

**AN: I realize this is **_**really**_** short, but it's crazy late at night and there is something scratching at my window and driving my kitten crazy. I can't concentrate to make this longer.**

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_8:00pm_

_OzDust Ballroom_

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Fiyero had been at the OzDust for ten minutes before Galinda and Elphaba arrived; it was not like him to be unfashionably early, but he was nervous. He was also thinking that thinking was probably dangerous—except, it was too late to _stop_ thinking. He downed a shot of vodka while he waited. It was his first drink of the night, and it burned pleasantly.

Galinda flitted in—could she be more like a hummingbird?—and grabbed Fiyero's arm. Elphaba marched in a heartbeat after her blonde friend, and Fiyero thought she had never been more beautiful, despite the obvious Galindification which must have taken place before the girls came. Fiyero found himself greatly envying the girl hanging on his arm. _She _had teased Elphaba's hair into the elaborate swirl that was begging to be taken down, and _she_ had applied Elphaba's makeup. The prince snatched another shot of liquid courage and downed it, barely noticing that his girlfriend had gulped half a glass of something else.

Galinda set her drink on the counter and jerked Fiyero onto the dance floor. Oz, she _would_ have his attention tonight if it killed them both. Avaric, watching, thought it might just do that; he'd never seen Galinda so unconscious of her behavior—gulping a drink was hardly ladylike. That was more Av's style, which reminded him he had a tumbler of whiskey to finish, and he could see plenty of pretty girls to dance with when he was done. But really, leaving a tumbler for the nearest passerby was a waste of a good drink.

Nessa had been forgotten near the bar. Boq was on the other side of the room with a bottle of beer and eyes only for Galinda, who was dancing much too close to Fiyero for his comfort. Nessa grabbed the first available drink, determined to drown her sorrows until Boq noticed her. She had never had whisky before, but the painful burn was a wonderful outlet for her anxiety

Elphaba took a glass of something green—_at least it matches_, she thought—and settled herself in a corner to watch. She refused to repeat her solo dance from Fiyero's first party, and the green girl's choice of partners was very slim. Anyway, corners were good for watching other people humiliate themselves, and that was what she had in mind for tonight.

Av, too, was watching—but he was watching for a different reason: his whiskey was gone and he was hunting for a dance partner. Elphaba was the only girl sitting down—other than her sister, and Nessa wasn't a viable option—but Av would have died of shame to be dancing with the artichoke.

There was only one man who wanted to be dancing with Elphaba, and he was occupied with a hummingbirdified girlfriend.


	3. 9:00

_9:00pm_

_OzDust Ballroom_

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_Sweet Oz, do you never _stop_ dancing? _Fiyero mentally asked Galinda as he yanked her off the floor. He downed two more shots of vodka. How many now? He'd lost track a half-hour ago. Fiyero could still see Elphaba, curled in her corner watching. He noticed there were several empty glasses at her feet and wondered idly if she would be more receptive a little tipsy.

Galinda gulped another tumbler of something. She'd tried one of the shots Fiyero kept taking, but it had burned more than whatever this was. She couldn't remember how many she'd had, but it was enough to make her want to dance all night.

"Come on, Fifi," Galinda chirped, somehow managing not to slur her words. She tried to drag her boyfriend back onto the dance floor. Really, half the time they were dancing he was so _obviously_ not paying attention to her. He _would_ notice her.

"No, Glin, absolutely not!" Fiyero half-shouted over the thudding music.

"Fiyero!"

It was Galinda's shrill, slightly unsteady voice that drew Boq from his beer-induced haze. He was proud of himself for making a nearly-straight line to the arguing couple. Of course, he did have to weave in and out of dancing couples . . . but that didn't count as stumbling, did it?

"I'm sorry, Glin, but I just can't do this anymore." Fiyero's eyes were a little wild, a little bloodshot.

Boq grinned. That had sounded an awful lot like a breakup line.

Nessa, a few feet behind the arguing couple, glared and took another swig of her whiskey. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she was pretty sure Boq was too close to Galinda for comfort. Nessa, who had no entertainment _except_ drinking had nearly polished off her first bottle of liquor; and Nessa, sheltered Govenor's daughter and Eminent Thropp, had even less experience with alcohol than Elphaba did.

Elphaba _had_ been drinking, though not as much as her fellow students. She'd had three glasses of the green alcohol she'd discovered earlier. It wasn't strong, unlike her companions' choices, so she was pleasantly tipsy. It made the whole evening _much_ more amusing. Elphaba was, however, not entirely sure she liked the scene unfolding before her: it looked an awful lot like Fiyero was breaking up with Galinda, and if Fiyero was free . . . Elphaba was afraid she would turn into a hopeless, mushy puddle if Fiyero had no other attachment. She was afraid she would do something Elphaba Thropp, miss independent, would do something very out of character and decide she actually _needed_ someone.

Av was paying no attention whatsoever to the drama unfolding. Sober, he wasn't stupid enough to miss the tension. Drunk—and he'd had the most of anyone yet tonight, even more than Fiyero—he didn't have a long enough attention span to care if there was tension. What was a good show compared to a good glass of something strong?

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_9:05pm_

_OzDust Ballroom_

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"Are you—are you breaking up with me?" Galinda stuttered.

"I think I am," Fiyero answered, downing another shot for courage. Then he grinned. He, Fiyero Tiggular, had done it! He had broken up with Galinda, and now he was free to follow the stockpiled thoughts he'd been handling for days.

"Oh," was Galinda's only answer. No one had ever actually broken up with Miss Galinda Upland before; breaking up was _her_ territory, and she definitely did not want to be finished with Fiyero.

Fiyero turned and walked away, leaving Galinda with no choice but to grab a fourth—or was it fifth?—tumbler of something strong and gulp it down.

"Miss Galinda?" Boq asked, his voice as shaky as his steps.

Galinda turned around with a sinking sensation in her stomach.

"What?"

"Would you care to dance with me?"

_To hell with it, _Galinda thought, _why shouldn't I?_

"I suppose," she answered.

Boq had never been happier.

Nessa had never been angrier.

_To hell with _them, she thought, and—taking two more bottles from the counter—wheeled her chair into a very dark corner where she could no longer be tortured by her boyfriend dancing with his beloved. It was a long time before she was missed, and a much, much longer time before anyone found her and returned her to Shiz and the diligent (if disappointed) care of Headmistress Morrible.

Elphaba was sipping a fourth glass of alcohol when Fiyero stumbled over and settled himself next to her. He positioned one of his arms around her shoulder, and Elphaba froze.

Even Avaric noticed that Fiyero was with the artichoke, and tried to stash that information for future teasing. He wasn't sure he would remember tomorrow.

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**AN: Nessa will no longer be contributing, as she is now too drunk and depressed. I planned to take Av out in this chapter, but Nessa just sort of . . . left.  
**


	4. 10:00

_10:00pm _

_OzDust Ballrom_

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Fiyero Tiggular had never been happier. Elphaba—the green goddess of his heart—was _letting_ him hold her. Never mind that she was drunk. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers and felt her respond with the same fire he felt. Sweet Oz, there was nothing better than this. He tangled his fingers in her dark hair, dropping Galinda's hairpins on the floor. Elphaba slipped into his lap—had he pulled her there? Had she crawled there? He didn't know or care. This was going much better than he'd expected. Three days of thinking—worrying that she would just slap him and send him back to Galinda—and _this_ was how she responded?

Elphaba was, in a word, shocked. Fiyero was kissing her like he _wanted_ her. She wondered how many drinks he'd had, and then decided she didn't care. Just for this moment, if he wanted her, she would accept that and consequences be damned. Elphaba crawled into his lap and snuggled against him. She wasn't sure what made her so bold, but it felt wonderful.

Galinda found she was actually enjoying Boq's company. Who knew that half a million tumblers of—what _was_ she drinking, anyway? She couldn't remember—anyway, half a million tumblers of _alcohol _could make the Munchkin pleasant.

Boq was in heaven. Miss Galinda was sitting with him, laughing with him—she had even let him kiss her once. There was only one way this night could get better, and Boq wasn't daring to hope yet.

Avaric glanced toward Fiyero and saw that the artichoke was cuddled in his lap, kissing the prince. Av promptly passed out—whether from the great number of drinks he'd consumed or from the shock of Fiyero and Elphaba kissing, no one would ever know. Avaric himself never remembered much about that night.

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**AN: I apologize for the short chapters. They really are writing themselves. I don't get much say. **


	5. 11:00

**AN: the following chapter is a high T rating. The next chapter will probably be M.  
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_11:00pm _

_Shiz Dormitories _

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"I don't think I've ever left a party that early," Fiyero whispered, his words slurring, "but it might be worth it."

"Even leaving with me?" Elphaba giggled—she could giggle? Who knew?

"_Especially_ leaving with you, love."

It took Fiyero several tries to open his dorm room door. Elphaba leaned against him and watched—with undo fascination—the prince attempt to manipulate a lock.

"Are you sure we have the right room?" she asked, seconds before the lock clicked open.

Inside, Elphaba settled herself on Fiyero's bed.

"Are you going to stay?" he asked, his eyes dark with interest.

"Unless you want me to lea—"

"No! Stay, please Elphie?"

Fiyero kissed her fiercely. Serenaded by her moan of protest, he stood up and went to his top dresser drawer. There was a little black-and-emerald box tucked under his favorite shirt; he extracted it and returned to the bed, to Elphaba.

"Elphie?" he asked, his voice very quiet and very timid.

"Mmm?"

"Will you marry me?"

Elphaba stared at her prince charming with very wide, very shocked eyes.

"What would you do if I accepted?"

Fiyero paused. Even in his alcohol-induced haze, he realized he shouldn't have expected a straight answer from his green beloved. She was too used to being tormented for her unusual coloration.

"I would give you this," Fiyero finally said, handing her the box he'd retrieved from his dresser, "and kiss you."

Elphaba opened the box and found a sparkling emerald-and-diamond ring. She slipped it on the correct finger.

"Fiyero, I will marry you," she announced with a giggle.

"I think I like you drunk," he answered, kissing her, "you're much less guarded."

"Am I?" she asked, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Elphaba—"

"Shh," she silenced him with a kiss "I want this."

Fiyero was _definitely_ not going to refuse when she put it that way.

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_11:00pm_

_Ozdust Ballroom_

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Galinda had passed the point of drunk, but had not quite reached the point of unconsciousness. In her current state, her recent breakup with Fiyero was really beginning to sting—even Boq's pleasant company did nothing to stop the throbbing in her heart.

"Where's Elphie?" she asked the Munchkin.

"I—I think she went home, Miss Galinda."

Boq knew that Elphaba had left; he'd seen her, because he'd been watching Fiyero—waiting for the stupid, drunk prince to realize what a prize he'd thrown away and return for Galinda. He had watched Fiyero, accompanied by a _very_ willing Elphaba, leave.

Galinda sat on a nearby bench with a soft thump.

"Elphieeeeeeeeeeee!" she wailed, "I want _Elphieeee!" _

Boq, not knowing just how occupied Elphaba was, wouldn't have been surprised to see the green girl fly in and rescue her blonde friend.

"Do you want to go home, Miss Galinda?" Boq asked, sure that Elphaba would be waiting to subdue Galinda's tears—heaven knew Boq had no idea how, Nessa never cried—and make everything better. Maybe Elphaba would even be waiting to explain her strange behavior (with Fiyero!) earlier.

"Yes," Galinda sniffed, wiping tears and mascara from her cheeks.


	6. 11:30

**M rating for the next section; I'm sorry this is so short, but it didn't feel right to dwell on this part while our characters are all drunk out of their minds. **

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_11:30pm_

_Shiz Dormitories_

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"Are you sure about this, Elphaba? We can—stop, I think . . ."

"Don't you want me?" Elphaba pouted.

"Sweet Oz, Elphie, you have no idea . . ." but Fiyero's sentence was destined to remain unfinished as his fiancée captured his mouth in a fierce kiss.

He rolled on top of her and pulled the sheets around them in a comfortable cocoon. He could imagine nothing he'd wanted more than this moment: his beautiful, green fiancée beneath him - wanting him as much as he wanted her. And she would be _his_ and his alone for eternity. She'd promised.

...

"I love you, you know," Fiyero whispered against Elphaba's hair, when they were finished.

"Mmm, I love you, darling," Elphaba murmured, kissing his shoulder.

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_11:30pm _

_Shiz Dormitories_

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"Your room, Miss Galinda," Boq said with a flourish.

Galinda unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Elphie?" she asked the empty room, "where are you?" There was confusion in Galinda's voice.

"Miss Galinda, do you need anything?" Boq asked.

"Stay with me?" Galinda stared at the infatuated Munchkin with eyes a heartless man couldn't have refused.

"I thought you'd never ask," he muttered under his breath.

"What, dear?"

"Nothing," Boq answered with a blush.

Galinda locked the door behind them.

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_11:30pm_

_OzDust Ballroom_

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Very few of the inebriated students noticed the absence of their host, Fiyero, or the guest of honor, Elphaba . . . or even of Galinda, the most popular girl at Shiz. They certainly didn't notice Boq's disappearance. Someone tripped over Avaric, swore, and dragged him to a dark corner where they propped him against a chair - Nessa's chair, to be exact.

He was later returned to Morrible, where he faced a punishment that _almost_ made him consider not drinking so much.


	7. The Next Morning

**AN: I started with Galinda and Boq because I wanted to end this on Fiyerba fluff. **

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_The Next Morning_

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Galinda was the first to wake in the morning, a habit born of needing hours to make herself presentable. She rolled over and groaned. Her dress was stiff, her hair tangled, her makeup smeared, and there was _someone_ in the bed beside her.

"Sweet Oz! Boq!" Galinda shrieked. She probably woke most of the girls' dorm, but since most of the girls' dorm was hung over, they promptly went back to sleep and ignored Galinda's horror. Boq blinked and lay still, hoping Galinda wouldn't notice he was awake and choose this inopportune moment to yell at him for whatever had happened. He wasn't even sure what that _was_, though he assumed it wasn't much since Galinda was still wearing her dress and he still had his pants.

Galinda sat up, combed her fingers through her hair, and sighed. She didn't remember _much_ but, and the agonizing ache coursing through her brain wasn't helping, but . . .

"I remember there were lights, and drinks, and there was yelling . . . oh Oz, Fiyero broke up with me," she whispered, "I've never been broken up with, before."

"'Lin?" Boq muttered. He, too, sat up—squinting at the brilliant sunlight shining through Galinda's east-facing window, "Oz, it's early."

"Boq . . . what do you remember about last night?"

"Umm . . . not much," the Munchkin admitted, "I remember dancing with you, and you wanted Elphie—"

"Elphieeeee!" Galinda shrieked, for the second time

"Shh, 'Lin. I'm sure she'll come home. She probably, uh, found us like this and . . . you know."

"Oz. Boq, can we talk about this later? I need to think, and I _need_ to talk to Elphie. I need to _find_ Elphie . . . if I can get this headache to go away."

"Drink some tea, it'll help," Boq suggested, "and, Miss Galinda? Meet me for lunch at the Oz Café?"

"Okay."

Boq let himself out of the dorm room where he'd only imagined spending a night.

* * *

_Several Hours Later_

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Fiyero Tiggular had been awake for one hour and seventeen minutes. He had drunk his (patented) hang over cure, showered, dressed, and felt—mostly—better. But he still could only remember snatches of what happened the night before, and that worried him.

Most precisely, it worried him because Elphaba—the love of his life—was lying in his bed. She was sort of dressed, but since she was sort of dressed in _his_shirt, Fiyero was pretty sure she hadn't been dressed at all for at least part of last night. He was also worried because his sheets were, very slightly, bloodstained.

Elphaba stretched and sat up, her eyes squinting against the light. She pulled the quilts protectively around her slender, green frame.

"Oz, Glin, this hurts," she muttered, "I think I drank too much."

"Drink this," Fiyero offered her a cup of his hang over cure, "it will help."

"Fiyero?"

The prince was silent as Elphaba sipped her drink.

"What am I doing here," she asked, finally.

"I don't know." During his hour and seventeen-minute start of the day, Fiyero had decided that honesty was best: Elphaba would probably kill him if he lied.

It was awhile before Elphaba's headache receded enough for her to notice her current state. She was cross-legged on Fiyero's bed, wearing—

"Sweet Oz! Fiyero, why am I wearing your shirt? And why the hell is it backwards?"

"Umm . . ."

"This had _better _be good!"

"I think we were a little too drunk to notice if a shirt—even a button-down shirt—was backwards."

"That doesn't explain—" but Elphaba never finished her sentence, because she'd thrown her free hand out to punctuate her point, and she noticed something glittering against her green skin. Elphaba Thropp never wore rings. "—that doesn't explain why in Oz I am wearing a ring," she finished flatly.

"We got engaged last night," Fiyero answered—the first confident answer he'd had all morning. He remembered _that_ bit.

Elphaba took the ring off and held it out to her fiancé.

"Elphaba . . . don't do this," he begged, running his hands through his hair.

"Fiyero, I don't really care what happened last night," Elphaba said, inwardly wincing at the lie, "but this ring was meant for Galinda, and I should never have worn it—even if it was nice of you to ask after what we did."

"No! That ring was _never_ for Galinda. It was my grandmother's, and the last time I went home I saw it and it reminded me of you so I brought it back with me. It's not even really an engagement ring—not a proper one, like what I'll buy you soon. But it was nice to look at it and think of you. Elphaba, I love you—"

"You what?"

"I love you. I think I've known since last summer when I went to the Vinkus and I missed you and you said you loved me too, last night . . ." he looked at her with pleading eyes that made her task harder.

"I do. Love you. But _you are with Galinda_ and _nothing_ that happened between us last night is going to ruin that for you, do you understand me? I wasn't born for the rose or the pearl, for the title that comes with being your fiancée. Galinda was. She is perfect for yo—"

"Elphaba! You can't mean that. _You're_ perfect for me. Anyway, it's too late for me and Glin. I broke up with her last night, or weren't you paying attention?"

"I don't really remember last night," Elphaba admitted.

"Well . . . then," Fiyero answered, taking the ring from her hand. He missed the hurt that flashed through her dark eyes as he slid off the bed and knelt in front of her. "Miss Elphaba Thropp, will you marry me?"

"Umm . . . yes?" she replied, and Fiyero heard all the buried fear and hurt from countless rejections ringing in her tentative answer.

"Good," he flashed a grin, "because I wouldn't have taken 'no' for an answer, since you already agreed last night."

Fiyero was kissing his fiancée when a furious knocking at the door interrupted them.

"Oz," Fiyero swore, "could there be a worse time?"

Elphaba wrapped his sheets tightly around her shoulders.

"Just a clock-tick," Fiyero yelled in the general direction of the door, "not decent!" He turned to Elphaba and hissed: "quick, get that shirt on forwards and buttoned up."

A moment later Fiyero opened the door to reveal a very distressed, very hummingbirdified, and very overdressed Galinda.

"Galinda?" he asked, confused.

"Who else? I. Lost. Elphie. Do you know where she is?"

Fiyero panicked, shaking his head furiously at his ex-girlfriend.

"Apparently he doesn't, but I might," Elphaba answered, coming to stand beside Fiyero.

"Elpheeeee!" Galinda shrieked, jerking her friend into a tight hug until she realized something was slightly wrong with her roommate. "Oz, Elphie, why the hell are you wearing Fiyero's shirt?"

"Umm," Elphaba traded a sheepish glance with Fiyero.

"We're engaged?" the prince offered.

"Reaaaallyyy? Oooh, Elphie, let me seeee your riiing."

"You're not . . . mad?" Elphaba asked.

"Well, I will be later," Galinda replied lightly, "but I just looooove engagements! It's so excitifying! You have to tell me everything!"

"Later, okay Glin? Let me shower and get dressed, and I'll meet you for lunch."

"Oh, I can't, I'm meeting Boq. How about after lunch in our room?"

"Umm, I have class . . ."

"Oh come on! You're engaaaaged! It's worth skipping one class!"

"Fine."

"Alright, well, I'll see you two later, okaaaay?" Galinda sang as she slammed the door.

"Thank Oz," Fiyero whispered, "she's a little . . ."

"Crazy?" Elphaba supplied.

"Yeah. That covers it."

"I hope she doesn't start thinking too much about us," Elphaba commented, wrapping her arms around Fiyero.

"She'd better not. Thinking is as dangerous as handling explosives. Oz, look at where it got us," Fiyero teased. Then, he leaned down and kissed his fiancée, "I'm glad I'm with you, though" he whispered against her lips, "and you should _never_ doubt that. I love you."

"I love you," she breathed, sealing her words with a kiss.

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**AN: Should I continue, or is a sweet Fiyerba ending good enough for everyone?  
**


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